Etiquette for Housemates

Before I got married, I had my own apartment for half of a decade. Although I've lived alternately with a roommate and by myself, the place was mine. My room was bigger than the roommate's and most of the stuff in the apartment were mine; TV, ref, utensils, etc. I got so used to having my own place that it was quite an adjustment for me living in a house with Mr. L and his siblings.

Don't get me wrong, I like my in-laws and I'm lucky enough that I married into a family that I get along really well with. I'm writing about this because I do realize that most middle class couples have similar living arrangements, they either live with parents-in-law or, in our case, siblings-in-law. Ideally, we should all have our own place by the time we get married but such is the fate of the middle class in our country. 

I understand that not everyone is blessed with considerate and amiable in-laws like I am. However, I also have to do my share in order to maintain a harmonious relationship with them. Since I also have friends and relatives who have the same living arrangement (some sadly do not get along well with their housemates), let me list some reminder items of sorts on how to maintain a positive environment whether you're living with in-laws or with other people in general.

Observe respect and be considerate of others. I think this is the key on how to get along with the people under the same roof as you. Ito na yun! Wala na talaga akong ibang tip hahaha! Choss lang. Seriously though, if you respect your housemates, you will find that everything else will follow suit. So that's number one.

Clean up after yourself. Since you're living with other people, make sure that you do your part in taking care of your home. If you're not keen on General Cleaning like me (hehe), then at least make sure that you don't leave your trash lying around. A wise former teacher of mine told us once, "kung ayaw mong maglinis, huwag kang magkalat." I've lived by that rule ever since. Kung nagkakalat man ako kwarto ko lang para walang ibang napeperwisyo haha! This is simple; wash the dishes you used yourself, throw your empty shampoo sachets after you shower, put the remote back where it's supposed to be after watching TV, etc. Very small things but you'll be surprised how many relationships have been ruined because of these so be mindful.

What's theirs isn't yours. This could be tricky because living together somehow blurs the line on which are for sharing and which aren't. Here's a rule of thumb: Stuff that are within your personal space are only yours to use. Stuff in the common area are for sharing. Okay but what about food in the fridge or on the table? Ask. Always ask. If there's no one around and you drank that coke in can, replace it as soon as you get the chance. If you took a slice from the cake(guilty) on the table, tell the "owner" once they're home. These are called courtesy. Again, these are very small things but small things can snowball. Better show courtesy and avoid conflict altogether.

Understand that you have different practices and idiosyncrasies. "Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you" may not necessarily work when you have different backgrounds with your housemates. Sometimes you may do something for them that they do not necessarily appreciate but this does not mean that they are automatically ungrateful, sadyang magkaiba lang talaga kayo ng nakasanayan and that's okay. You just have to adjust. You and your housemates also have different moods, there could be really good days then really bad days. Don't take it personally if at times they don't seem keen to talk to you, baka bad mood lang. Don't jump into conclusions. If they are being rude, tell them so, I'm sure they don't mean to be rude half the time.

Don't be petty. So I mentioned that small things add up and they can actually cause damage to your relationship with your housemates, oh eh pag maliit na bagay palampasin mo na, ikaw naman. I know that when you're in a bad mood, these little things that irk you can be magnified ten times pero choose your battles. Hinga-hinga lang tapos palampasin mo na. Huwag magtanim ng sama ng loob dahil lang may kumagat sa donut mo'ng iniwan mo sa ref. Bili ka na lang ulit. If this happens a lot then say something but nicely, wag naman "SINO NA NAMAN ANG KUMAIN NG DONUT KO?!?" Ako kasi yung tagakain ng donut, sorry na hahaha!

Respect others' privacy. Growing up, I didn't have a room of my own. When I was a kid, our entire second floor was our sleeping area. Our personal space was where our bed was. I didn't have my own kasi lagi akong nakasiksik sa mama ko haha. This fact could have impaired my view of privacy. I used to just barge into people's rooms all the time. That changed when I lived with my sister and her husband. I do not go into their room with my brother-in-law there. I learned to respect their privacy. Now I'm conscious with knocking, calling out, asking permission before I come inside other people's rooms, if at all.

Advise your housemates if you have visitors coming. When you're at home, you're supposedly at your most comfortable; feet up, bra off, short shorts, you get the picture. Now Imagine your housemate walking in on you with a visitor, you scramble to get your feet off the couch, you slouch hoping they don't notice that you're braless, you get your stuff out of the way, the works! Hassle diba? Also, consider if you have enough space for you, your housemates, and the visitors. Observe common courtesy and give a "warning" when someone's coming just to make sure that everyone is okay with it.

My siblings-in-law actually quite spoil me, they bring food up to our room when I'm cooped up in there with the baby but they don't hold it against me (I hope haha) that I don't do the same for them. Perhaps one day I can return the favor. In the meantime I do my part by religiously washing my own dishes right after I use them, by not helping myself to their food from the ref (well, except for that donut, and cake, and buko pie. Ano ba papalitan ko okay?? Hahaha!) and by making myself scarce when they have visitors, etc. Minsan, I'm not in a good mood and I think it shows when I scrunch my face up or when I sigh a bit too loudly haha pero they're all very forgiving. I'm lucky.

I know there are probably lots more that I failed to mention and you may not agree with some of what (or everything that) I said but the key is RESPECT and BEING CONSIDERATE. 

I think if you know how to respect your housemates' things, practices, and privacy then you will observe common courtesy. You will be considerate. If they don't always show you the same courtesy, learn to let go if it's not that big a deal. Choose your battles. It's a lot easier to put an effort to get along than live in a negative environment. 

Also, it's not as if this living arrangement will last forever so just make the most out of it. Someday, you'll have good "remember when" stories to tell.

*photo from Pexels.com